2013 Highly Accurate NFL Predictions!

It's finally time for a new season of the best game ever...and with that new season is a new year of highly accurate, always correct NFL predictions.  Remember, I am always right save for the times I am totally wrong.

• Time to start with the topic that has burned me up the most all off season.  Saints scandal?  Nope.  Tebow?  Uh uh.  Refs?  Try again.  Nothing has ticked me off more than every single talking head picking the Bills as the new team to beat in the AFC.  Really?  I can see it to a degree since the Dolphins and Jets are terrible, but there is no way they even approach being good enough to knock the Patriots off the stand and won’t even get a wild card.  Their new, revamped, awesome defense…won’t be top 15.  Bills…ha.
• Speaking of bad teams, I will cover a bad team and a bad player, my nemesis, Kevin Kolb.  Guess what, my yearly (and correct) prediction he will suck…it is back.  He will continue to get few starts and be terrible in what he gets.  When a guy named Skelton is pushing a highly paid player out of the line up, you know it is time to quit.  Kolb…ha.
• J-E-T-S! SUCK SUCK SUCK!  Offense will be 25th overall or lower. 
• And Tebow…yeesh.  He will start no more than 2 games and have no more than 5 passing TDs.  The sad thing is that pathetic performance will still look good versus the Sanchize. 
• Now for some positive points.  AD is a beast.  Peterson will get back to form and while he won’t lead the league, he will hit 1,250 yards and 10 TDs.
• Brett Favre…man this is bold…will stay retired.  There is a lot of grass that needs mowing.
• Chris Johnson restores a little bit of faith in his nickname.  While he has a few 12 carries for 28 yard games, he also has a few monster games to get back to 1,350 yards with 250 receiving and 12 total TDs.
• The Steelers all new and improved run-first philosophy will become a pass-first (and second and third) offense fairly quickly.  No RBs over 850 yards. 
• Brandon Marshall will return to form.  You know, the form where he flakes out and does nothing.  Another disappointing season for fantasy owners.
• Wilson will look good early for Seattle, then struggle in mediocrity but finish strong.
• Speaking of Seattle, their RB Turbin will score 10 TDs.
• Dolphins passing game won’t be great, but their run game will be worse, so by comparison passing will look decent.
• Josh Freeman continues his free fall at QB.  Without anyone to turn to, he will finish the season.
• Tom Brady continues to be Tom Brady…a balding super model with a shrew for a wife who throws the ball remarkably well.  Stats similar to last year.
• Kansas City is another hot pick to win their division and surprise everyone.  No surprise here…cause they won’t.  8-8 or worse.
• Lions take a step backward.  No play-offs.  Megatron still wows, but Stafford will turn the ball over more.
• Cleveland is a team in the National Football League.  That is all that can be said.
• San Diego’s run game is still terrible after Matthews returns from injury to train for his next season ending injury.  Rivers will have to continue slinging it.
• Real refs will be back by week 4 and there will be at least one major embarrassment/ruined game as a result.
• Texans will have a good season and will likely win the division.  But, expect  a so-so season (10-6) and a Wild Card play-off loss. 
• Washington’s greatest weakness continues to be their horrible offensive line.  I am sure they will fix it with their 1^st round pick next year or the year after.
• RGIII will look good and is no doubt the future of the franchise.  But, that line will limit him to under 3,000 yards passing and 450 yards rushing.
• The variance in TDs to INTs for Carson Palmer will be around a plus/minus 4.
• His former team, however, will look good.  Not play-off good, but Dalton will be the best looking second year starter in the NFL.
• Aaron Rodgers will look just as impressive as he did last year, another Pro-bowl season.
• The Packers secondary will look as lost as they did last year, another depressing season.
• Falcons will have a balanced offense this season and a strong defense.
• Demarco Murray will lead the league in rushing, but not by much.
• Cedric Benson will top 1,000 yards, but not by much.
• Patriots’ defense takes a huge step forward this year.  Top 12.
• Colts will be in the bottom 5 for defense this year.
• Shockingly, the Colts will be in the top 20 for offense. 
• Shockingly, the Jaguars will not.  OK, well not shocking, just a fact.
• Jay Cutler will whine like a little baby at least once publicly and pout most of the rest of the year. 
• Manning will do what Manning does, terrify his teammates into playing at a higher level and get the Broncos into the play-offs. 
• San Francisco will continue to have issues converting red zone visits into TDs, but their defense is Top 8 and they have the huge advantage of playing against the super-tandem of Skelton/Kolb.  Kolb…ha!
• Brees will account for around 90% of the Saints offense.
• Matching the intensity of the Browns, the St. Louis Rams will have a team in the National Football League.  That is all that can be said.
• Ravens will struggle on defense (there, I said it, they are old and terrible), but the offense will get them into the play-offs…where Flacco will go and Flacco the game away.
• Eagles will barely sneak into play-offs and get bounced in the first round.  This will make it hard for them to do what they should have done 5 years ago, fire Reid, and indecision will reign supreme.
• Vick will continue to be the second most exciting player to be horrible (he should send Tebow a puppy to thank him) and will miss at least 2 games with injury. 
• Cam Newton comes back to earth; his stats will regress, especially in the passing game.
• Kendell Wright will look great for the Titans in year 1.  But Nate Washington will be the silent star of the team and leading receiver in terms of TDs.
• Eli Manning will look dopey, lost, and confused on the field.  So, business as normal, they are play-off bound. 
• Offensive Player of the Year:  Drew Brees; Defensive Player of Year:  Jonathan Vilma…what’s that…suspended for the year?  The whole season?  Really, wow, what kind of ginger-haired nut bag would suspend a player for that long…OK, well then let’s pick Patrick Willis
• Offensive Rookie of the Year:  Andrew Luck; Defensive Rookie of the Year:  Melvin Ingram (this one is for you Fanubo)
• AFC Play-offs:  Patriots, Broncos, Texans, Steelers, Ravens, Chargers
• NFC Play-offs:  Packers, Giants, 49ers, Falcons, Eagles, Bears
• Superbowl:  Packers v Patriots (same pick as last year)
• And, the most important event of the sports season…the 33rd Annual ProBowl Winner is…NFC!!!!!!!